Friendship

Anna Scott Wieler

Choosing a place for college is, for most, the first big, life-altering decision we make in adulthood. For me, college was a milestone I had always dreamed of. Growing up, I constantly heard things like, “College will be the best four years of your life,” or “That’s when you’ll meet your people.” As an eighteen-year-old who had been looking forward to college for as long as I could remember, I took that choice seriously—and I chose Auburn believing fully in the goodness I would find here.

Now, as a twenty-one-year-old junior, I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on what I expected college to be and what it has turned out to be in reality. For me, that lesson has shown up most clearly in friendship. I think many girls can relate to deeply desiring life-giving friendship—the kind that fills your soul. It’s something I had longed for my entire life, so naturally, I placed a lot of hope in college, in my sorority, and in finding that kind of friendship there. And spoiler alert: I did find it. But it didn’t look exactly like I expected it to, and it’s that difference between expectation and reality that I hope can encourage anyone reading this, no matter what season of life you’re in.

My expectation was simple: come to college, join a sorority, find your best friends on bid day, and never long for friendship again. My reality has been something far better—life-giving friendship takes time.

At first, this reality felt disappointing. In a world built on instant gratification, waiting often feels like something has gone wrong. But over time, I’ve come to believe that some of the best things in life—especially deep friendships—are only possible through waiting, shared experiences, and doing life together. I met one of my best friends, Jenny, at Camp War Eagle. We followed each other on Instagram, and I thought that being followers on social media would be the extent of our friendship. But then I saw her in Neville Arena holding a ZTA bid just like me. We stuck by each other closely throughout that day and night when everything was all so new and overwhelming. We confided in each other before we confided in anyone else in those early days. And in that confidence, a true, life-giving, soul-level friendship was developed through years of doing this college life together. I’ve experienced so much with Jenny. When I think of all my earliest Zeta memories, she is there. And over the course of time, our friendship has come to be so much more. We’ve laughed until we can’t breathe, shared things with each other we don’t share with anyone else, experienced the Lord’s goodness through each other, cried together, celebrated each other, lived as roommates together in the ZTA Hall—she even introduced me to the person who I’ll marry one day. I am so thankful that Zeta brought me Jenny. But I’m evenmore thankful for the time it’s taken me to get to know her and love her, because our deep friendship could only have been created through time and shared experience.

I met one of my best friends, Jada, through New Member Retreat. We rode in the same car together and probably didn’t exchange many words, but because of Retreat she became another girl whose name I knew and a safe person I could talk to. I am amazed by how our friendship has grown over the past few years. What started as me taking a leap of faith and being honest with her about real struggles I was going through in my life has turned into one of the sweetest friendships the Lord has ever blessed me with. Jada and I genuinely could talk for hours about the Lord and all we have learned through the highs and lows of life. We frequently send each other ten to thirteen-minute-long voice memos and truly do listen to every second. Through my friendship with Jada, I’ve learned how sowing vulnerability and honesty reaps true relational connection that leads to deep friendship. But this is something that could have only been developed through time. In meeting Jada at New Member Retreat, I probably didn’t expect for her to become one of my closest friends. My expectations were so set in becoming best friends immediately, that I couldn’t imagine a far greater friendship that is found in the time it takes to grow vulnerable and honest with someone. I wouldn’t trade the time it’s taken for me and Jada’s friendship to become what it has for anything, and the lesson it’s taught me in reaping what you sow, and that sometimes some of life’s biggest blessings take time.

I’ve also experienced this kind of growth in friendships formed through shared hardship.

I seen this in my friendship with Piper, who I’ve walked through both ordinary moments and difficult seasons with. Through long conversations, encouragement, and simply showing up for one another, our friendship deepened in ways that could never have happened overnight. Being able to walk through life together has taught me how powerful encouragement and presence canbe.

There’s so many girls that ZTA has given me that I could write similar stories about.

There’s Maya and Olivia, who I not only served the chapter on Exec with for two years but also grew to deeply love and cherish. There’s Cady, Rachel, and Allison who were some of my very first Zeta friends and now are some of my best through the Lord’s faithfulness and redemption through time. There’s Lilli Ann and Kaylee who I know I have so much more friendship to grow in through being roommates together next year. There’s my Big, Caroline, who I see the Lord in more than she will ever know. There’s Maddie and Hadley and Juliana and so many more girls who I have grown to love and know in friendship throughout my years of being a Zeta.

If I were to write about them all, this already-too-long blog would become a novel, which honestly is a really beautiful thing. When I thought about what I wanted this blog to be, I kept thinking about earlier versions of myself—the eighteen-year-old stepping onto campus with big expectations, the freshman wondering why friendships felt hard, the sophomore learning to wait with grace. And now, as a junior, I’m overwhelmed with gratitude for the deep friendships I can confidently say I have.

My reality at Auburn and in Zeta has been that life-giving friendships take time. On day one, I never could have imagined the depth of the relationships that would grow over the years. I wish I could go back and tell my freshman-year self that the friendships she was longing for were already all around her, just waiting to grow. If you’re in a season where friendship feels slow or uncertain, I hope you’ll have grace with yourself and trust the process. Some of the best things in life take time to grow into reality.

Although my expectation was to find best friends instantly, my reality has been that the best friendships are made along the way. I wouldn’t trade a single moment with these girls for anything, and I’m endlessly thankful for ZTA for being the starting point of friendships that willlast a lifetime.